


Absorbance

by reminiscence



Category: Colorful (2010)
Genre: Freeverse, Gen, Poetry, ffn challenge: all these different colours challenge, ffn challenge: another mega prompts challenge, ffn challenge: diversity writing challenge, ffn challenge: mega prompts challenge, poetry collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 02:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11911788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reminiscence/pseuds/reminiscence
Summary: The world was filled with colour.





	1. Going Monochrome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diversity Writing Challenge (Anime and Manga Fanfiction Challenges), A3 – write a poem of exactly eight lines.

The world was supposed to be filled with colours:  
colours soft and gentle like the ocean's tender shades  
of blue, or glaringly harsh like the yellow and red  
in fire's face, or that sun that hung sometimes too low  
in the sky

But, by that point, it looked just pale and grey  
to him, and he forgot  
those colours he so often sought.


	2. Paths Made from Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100 prompts challenge (The Poetry Craze), #003 – concern

If he didn't try to change, nothing would  
but change was something tough to do  
when he didn't yet know himself.

But it happened naturally anyway:  
he was able to shape himself  
Through those smiles, and warm feelings  
of a friend

And even without realising it at first  
he was changing, because the past him  
had never had a friend.


	3. Carry on Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All These Different Colours Challenge, grey negative

There’s a heavy weight  
on this new life of his  
that’s carried over  
from the old.

He’s not sure which old:  
the body’s  
or the soul’s.

They say your skin recalls  
for seven years, before the scars  
go away

But the soul…                          
how long does the soul  
hold on?

His hasn’t gone through  
the river yet  
or the fires  
of hell.

Maybe his soul will always  
hold on.


	4. Second Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #001 – amuck

It’s another lease of life.  
He should be ecstatic.  
He should be running wild  
in the streets, waving flags,  
causing trouble,  
finding the wind,  
writing his legacy like bike tracks  
in the dirt.

It’s another lease of life  
but he’s honestly just stuck.  
He doesn’t know what to do.  
He doesn’t know if he wants  
to even do.  
It’s here. He’s here  
but he didn’t exactly choose.  
And there’s not really a sign at the roadside  
to guide him through.

He doesn’t want his new life  
meticulously drawn out, but  
a signpost or two, or a guide  
would be good.


	5. Employer Satisfaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All These Different Colours, gold positive

He’s done his job  
and his pay is… what? A smile.  
Lost company. Back to the board  
to pick up the latest case.

Here’s the line again.  
Flat faces.  
Angry faces.  
He’s just got a little picture in a file.

Where’s the job satisfaction?  
Where’s the cheque after a hard week?  
Where’s the chocolate and wine  
that comes two weeks later  
at the follow up?

Well, it’s his own fault, isn’t it  
for failing his own test.  
Still, it’s cruel to call it a job  
like he’s not a slave, bound  
to the red zero his test.


	6. Replacing with a Copy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #002 – abortive

It's a silly system, really  
but who complains?  
Who has the right  
to complain?

They've given up their lease.  
They can't cry when the one slapped back  
in their hands is full of hidden clauses  
and legal traps.

They'd had a better lot, after all  
and they'd let it go.


	7. Green, Yellow, Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All These Different Colours, gold negative

It gets old, after a while.  
They’re not the same.  
They’re pretty similar though,  
all grey and melancholic  
or all a screaming rage.

There’s always someone screaming,  
silently or out loud.

There’s always something  
that’s a sob story point.  
Something there they’ve crumbled with,  
they’ve drowned…

But there’s also some light there  
and that’s the point of this whole  
pointless endeavour  
like stepping away might help.

Sometimes it helps.  
Sometimes the weight of it all coming back  
is just too much.  
And sometimes,  
they go completely off track.


	8. It's Not Always Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #003 – physical

There are no scars on his body.

Sometimes, he wonders why there aren’t.  
Sometimes he traces them anyway,  
where the scars should be:  
inside his wrists,  
on the crook of his elbows,

Running down his thighs  
where a lover might touch  
with different thoughts  
in their mind.


	9. With an Angelic Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All These Different Colours, white positive

They called him an angel.  
He’s not an angel.  
He guides them, maybe.  
He lets them lose their way, maybe.  
He lets them find it, maybe.

He guides, but he’s as useful  
as a half-filled guidebook out of date.  
He has to be.  
He can’t take them to the end.

He’s not an angel  
that guides them to the light.  
He’s not a devil either, at least.

Maybe, at most,  
he’s the Cheshire cat with   
cryptic messages  
in the tree  
above their heads.


	10. Choose Between Life and Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #004 – placid

It’s a life or death decision  
and yet it’s so tranquil, so calm.  
They stand in the middle of the footpath,  
all alone.  
Leaves flutter in the breeze above them.  
Somewhere in the next street, a cat mewls.  
There are cars further ahead  
and further behind.

Here though, at the moment of truth,  
it’s just the two of them  
and a smile.


	11. Hollowed Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All These Different Colours, white negative

He feels empty when he goes to sleep.  
He feels empty when he wakes back up  
and he doesn’t understand.  
Not at all.  
He’s lost something along the way.

Months later he’ll fall asleep feeling full  
and wake up feeling full  
and he’ll understand even less

But the missing parts of his life  
are coming back.

He gets it slowly, piece by piece.  
They’d been hidden from view all this time  
to stop them giving hints.

They’re back now. And he’s glad.  
He still needs them, even though  
he’s stepped away  
from the ledge.


	12. In Retrospect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #005 – moaning

Years later, he wonders what it was  
he’d hated  
about this world

Or maybe that’s the wrong word.  
He doesn’t know anymore.

He killed himself  
and now he’s dying  
a slower, painful death  
and he doesn’t want to die.

This second chance he’d gotten  
is drying up.

He supposes that’s how it goes.  
The ones who want to die, don’t.  
The ones who don’t want to do.  
And then there are the ones  
who get what they want.

That’s the world. It doesn’t have to be right  
or good, or beautiful.  
He just has to love it enough  
to stay alive

But that’s wrong too. He’s dying now  
perhaps, and he loves the world now.

It’s better still,  
than hating the world  
and living through it.


	13. The Painting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All These Different Colours, black positive

He didn’t understand her then.  
Now he does.

Black paint in her hands  
and his painting, with the angel  
reaching out.

He gets it now.  
He really does.

It’s beautiful.  
It’s frightening.  
It’s real

That the both of them need saving.

She tells him.  
It makes sense.  
It’s not him. But it’s her. It’s real.

But she doesn’t have an angel, not yet.  
And he can’t be that angel.  
He sees that now.

‘You can have it,’ he says.  
It’s the only thing he can offer.  
He still needs to be saved  
after all.


	14. Elastic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #006 – languid

He took the easy way  
but he’s dragged back.  
It’s almost poetic.  
The easy way never works.

He’d counted on it being  
a dead end.

It’s a new beginning instead  
but that’s okay.  
That’s the best ending.

The worst would have been if   
nothing changed  
at all.


	15. Wrapping up with Duct Tape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All These Different Colours, black negative

His family’s torn apart.  
He knows that.  
It’s why he can’t go to them.

He doesn’t want to go to them anyway.  
His father: the cruel heartless man who celebrates  
downfalls when they walk him up the steps.  
His mother: the housebreaker who dances  
with another man.  
his elder brother: the stereotypical elder brother  
who already knows he’s a waste of space

And he’s… he’s what? Trying to hang on to all of this  
without enough tape.  
He’s done.  
He’ll sleep them off instead. End it all.

He wakes up a different child.


	16. Not Really an Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #007 – aloof

He’s just doing his job.  
The guardian angel who’s not an angel  
and not a devil either  
or a friend

But sometimes he winds up being  
one of those  
anyway.

He thinks he’s an angel this time  
when the painting’s made.

It turns out he’s the friend instead.

That’s okay.  
He’s got it right this time, at least  
so that’s okay.


	17. Call a Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #045 – dependent

It’s strange, how quickly his parents cave  
after he calls a friend.

Or maybe it’s not strange.  
Maybe they know he’s been lonely.  
Maybe they’ve all been lonely.

We’ll try harder.  
We’ll be a family again.  
Maybe this is what it took  
to bring them here.

That’s okay.  
That’s okay, right?  
So long as they’re all here.


	18. This Lesson Learnt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #008 – clever

It’s a lesson he never thought  
he had to learn  
but his baby brother thought him.

He’d never cared, at first.  
Having another brother was  
time lost, opportunities lost,  
resources taken away…

Until he almost lost him.  
Those sleepless nights in the hospital  
until he woke,  
and the eggshells that came after  
trying to do everything right and not even knowing  
what was right.


	19. Who We Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #046 – devilish

There always has to be an enemy to fight.  
For their family… they wonder who it is.  
All of them.  
None of them.  
Somewhere in between  
or some intangible thing  
they’ve stumbled upon.

They can blame outsiders.  
They can blame each other.  
They can blame themselves.

Whichever it is, they fight  
for themselves.

Somewhere along the way, that tears apart  
each other. Then they learn to fight  
for each other, and save themselves.


	20. Despair and Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Mega Prompts Challenge, word prompts #009 – irate

They claw at his skin.  
Despair and doubt.  
Abandonment and anger  
and the need for something:  
absolution.

They whisper like static in his ears.  
He wants to drown them.  
And the itching of his skin.  
He wants it all gone.

He downs the pills: they make him numb  
and cold, and numb  
is good, numb  
is what he wants.

He closes his eyes.  
His head slowly fills with cotton  
and he thinks he could have had  
a warm bath, to stave the cold.

But cold’s not bad, not really.  
It keeps the flames of feelings down  
after all.


End file.
